I've Been Away

It's been way too long since my last post, but I am happy to say I'm back.

One of the areas I specialize in is Life Transitions and a major life transition is why I was on a small sabbatical.  I'm happy to say it wasn't anything tragic, but involved a change of residence, two new jobs, and a final move into a new home.

All of this transition has pretty much been the peak of about five years worth of change.  Now if you had asked anyone who knew me five years ago about how I felt/dealt with change they definitely would have said, it's not in her vocabulary.  Yet the funny thing about change, whether it's by choice or thrown your way, is you have very few options.  You either face it and take the necessary steps to adjust and adapt or you go into denial, act like it's not real and before you know it, find your life slipping away.  I am happy to report that even though it was a struggle, I plowed through it.  Then every-time I exhaled and said okay, now I can get on with the rest of my life I was dealt another blow.  So I realized the universe or some higher power was telling me, you still have some things to learn and changes to make, yet you've proven you're capable of handling it, so keep moving forward.  Which I have and now, even though I don't always like it, I embrace change that comes my way because I know there is some lesson here for me to learn and I will be right where I'm suppose to be when I get to the other side.

Very few people like change, even change that makes life better or happier, because change means different - good or bad, but change is inevitable in life.  Actually one of the only consistent things in life is change, but so many people resist it, try to avoid it, do everything they can to try to control their environments just to fend off change - yet it shows up anyway.  So now what?  Change shows up, you're faced with a transition.  Do you stand up, stare it in the face (or maybe give it a side-ways glance), and start to make the necessary adjustments or do you run away screaming, hoping it's all a bad dream?

Honestly, most people probably do the later first because who immediately embraces it and says bring it on, but once that initial shock is over, what do you do? If it were as easy as a,b,c, then change wouldn't be so bad.  Each person will address their issues differently, take different steps and actions, but there are a few simple things to keep in mind to help you down that road.

• Be kind to yourself.  We are usually our own biggest critic, but this is a time to push that critic to the side, tell em' to take a hike (maybe they'll leave for good).  You have to take care of you first during this time. Do something(s) that make you feel good.  A bath, a hike, yes eat that hot fudge sundae, just stop, plop, and read a book, watch your favorite movie.  Something that you enjoy, brings comfort,and will recharge you and give you some strength to face what's ahead.  Repeat as needed.

• Avoid or stop the blame game - when facing a change, especially a difficult one, our tendency is to deflect the difficult feelings and want to blame someone, make it someone's fault, then we'll feel better.  All that will do is keep you stuck in the muck.  Blaming anyone, another person or yourself, will only keep the feelings raw and exposed, delaying the healing and adjustment time.  Yes, you most likely will have angry and unpleasant feelings about the situation, but ruminating won't "change" what has happened.

• Journal, find a solitary place you can yell as loud and as long as you want, cry, exercise - or anything that gets it out.  You do not want to keep the many feelings locked inside - they will eat you alive.  Now during this time, say, write, do whatever you want - just get it outside of YOU - release it.  As always with any of these - avoid things that could cause you or anyone else harm or injury - so be smart and careful.

• Meditate, do Yoga, or Pilates - many people discover these wonderful activities out of a need to help with coping or making a life adjustment.  The reason being they teach you about being in the moment, being mindful of what is present, connecting your mind and body, helping you with inner strength by slowing down the world around you.  These activities won't fix your situation, but they do help you cope and accept things by learning you only have this moment you're in right now.  The past is gone, the future hasn't come - what are you going to do in this moment is all that matters.

• Turn back the clock - connect back to some of your interests from your youth or teen-age/college years.  Many times things we use to do and enjoy were left behind as our grown up life got in the way.  By re-connecting to one of these activities you may find it's good therapy or even re-kindle a passion you long forgot about, but now takes you in a new direction.  Maybe you were very good at art, you loved the freedom of being on a bike, blowing bubbles were a fascination, or baking cookies. 

Doing all of these things, none of these things, or something else that comes to mind won't replace the challenges you're facing, but they just may be the remedy that gives you the ability to respond to your changes in an empowering way.  Allow yourself to ride the wave, instead of trying to hold it back  - the ride may be bumpy, but far less dangerous than water crashing down all around you thrashing you along the bottom of the ocean floor.

So open up your arms, look to sky, and tell the universe to bring it on - I can handle it and I will be okay.  Then before you know it, you'll actually take on every day looking for change, knowing that's how we truly live and how we deeply grow.  Transition and change are temporary - remember the only permanent thing in life is impermanence.  Go discover, connect, and succeed.